Caveat Emptor
by Hydok
Summary: I really shouldn't be having this problem. Mac computers are supposted to be safe from things like this. I blame DireSphinx and her Kid!virus. But mostly DireSphinx. Because really, who could blame Kid?


**Although I have never written anything like this before, I just had to join in on a series of stories that I have enjoyed.**

**Let me see. Not only do I not own _Detective Conan_, I don't own the idea of the Kid!virus. **

Hydok sat in a rocking chair in front of her desk, staring with glazed expression at the computer screen. Classes hadn't even started yet and she was already having problems. College was looking to be a bit harder than her high school years.

_Well… It's 9:40… I should go to sleep if I'm going to get up at six tomorrow… I could check my chemistry syllabus… Or register for that Sign Language class I want to take… Or check my fanfiction account… Oh wait. I have __got__ to write that HeiRan fic at some point…_

Suddenly, the screen on her brand new Mac flickered, and she flinched. _Oh, please don't be broken…_

"Hey! You!"

She sat up straighter, looking around in confusion for the speaker, seeing as it was a distinctly male voice, and men were _not_ allowed in the dorm this late at night.

"Over here. In the computer."

She blinked, then stared at the figure waving at her. "Oh, flip no. No. I'm not even _part_ of the crack!authors. I write angst. And romance. And angsty romance. Not crack. Go away."

Kid shook his head. "Like I want to go back _there_. Crazy fangirls."

Hydok couldn't really refute that statement, so hurriedly changed the subject to a different, but still related topic. "Where's Conan? Last DireSphinx wrote, you had him tied up and named George." The girl glanced around her barren desktop for any sign of the trussed up mini-detective. Nothing out of the ordinary, other than the phantom thief.

The phantom thief who was currently opening up minimized windows and reading her FF dot net profile.

"That's not you."

Hydok glared, then with a click, dragged the white suited thief away from her profile picture by the collar of his blue shirt. "Of course it's not me. It's _Hydok_. Who is different than _me_."

Kid stared at her for a moment, an expression of pity on his hidden features.

"Oh what. You're not really any better, Mr. Monocle McCapeman. And you didn't answer my question. Where's the shrimp?"

"The internetz. They eat people. Either that or he's still in your mailbox. Must have a pretty nice spam filter on there."

Hydok facepalmed.

Kid continued to read through her fanfiction. Then began searching her favorite stories. "What's with this? You've got like, 800 favorite stories. _Somebody's_ got no life."

Hydok exited her web browser. "So, why are you here? You should know that utter crack like this escapes me. Think of me as a female Hakuba. Without drunken perversions. And besides, I'm not one of your rabid fangirls." _Although… __Dang,__ Kid is a fine piece of work. Must not entertain ideas of keeping him. Or Conan… Or Heiji._ And as her thoughts drifted to the idea of a mini!Heiji on her desktop, Hydok grinned rather goofily.

Zig-zag lines flashed across the screen. Kid flinched.

"Oh what," Hydok asked, removing herself from her mental wanderings. "Your 'kaitou senses' going off? What happens now?" _Hopefully something interesting. Like Snake popping out of my BitTorrent window… _

Instead of any mentally amusing occurrences, with deep psychological impact and emotional trauma, Hydok got Aoko. An angry Aoko.

"What in the _world_ did I hear you planning?"

Hydok flinched. Dang, the girl was noisy. "Planning? For what? My fics? My plotless, one-shot fics that I never get finished? You think I have a _plan_ for anything?"

"DCTP forums."

_Oh. Heh. __That__ fanfiction plot bunny. Oops?_

"The one that someone wants me to write where Hondou Eisuke is really Bourbon? Or the one that's HeiRan. No… That's on dA… Or the one that's HeiAi? Because I haven't told anyone about that one yet… Or my Teal AU, which I really, really, really, need to get written."

Aoko continued to glare, standing in a way that made it _very_ obvious that she was carrying a mop and not afraid to use it. "The one that you mentioned in the thread that speculated that Kaito is the child of Lupin III and Carmen Sandeigo."

_Yep. Thought so._

"Ah… I see… But, you have to admit, it's a good idea."

"No, it's not."

Kid glanced around in mild confusion.

_But his emotions most likely all look mild… Poker Face has so much potential for fics…_

"Um, care to enlighten a poor magician?"

"Apparently," Aoko explained, "At least, according to this girl –"

"Hey! I'm older than you now!"

" – right. According to this obaa-san, my mother is some lawyer. Which makes me half-sisters to Mori Kogoro's daughter. And makes my father out to be a horrible, wife-stealing person."

Hydok flinched at the glares that blazed in frozen glory from her computer screen. "It's not _quite_ that bad. Eri didn't _tell_ Nakamori-keibu she was married. So it's her fault. Which, you have to admit, could have happened. It _does_ explain some things in the story lines."

Kid looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah, in some kind of messed up fanfiction world, that could work. Maybe."

Aoko whacked him with a mop. "Have you _read_ her stuff. I have so many problems with her."

"Oy! I've only got like, three DC/MK fics! And most of them are about Shinichi, or Hakuba. Besides, don't you have better things to do with my time than flatter my writing talents and wonderful idea skills?"

Hydok's roommate glanced over. "What are you doing?"

"I'm arguing with the little anime people in my computer."

"… Alright then."

Hydok grinned, turning back to Kid and Aoko. But they were gone.

**There is something here that, well, to put it frankly, does not please me...**

**That might be the fact that not only do I not write crack, I cannot begin to grasp the mindset of those who do. Like I mentioned, I am the female incarnation of Hakuba with a happy family life and no math skills. But I do have a pocket watch. **


End file.
